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Sports Boston Red Sox Adrian Gonzalez

Published on June 20th, 2012 | by Thompson


Why Thompson and The Preacher Should Be MLB GMs

Today, I worked out an 8 player trade with The Preacher in roughly an hour while the Twins were getting piss-pounded by the Pirates.  The Preacher was in bad need of a second baseman.  Dustin Ackley just wasn’t cutting it.  After scoring 445 points last week and beating what was the top team…and my arch rival…the Hiroshima Bombers, I felt like gambling.  I traded Robinson Cano, my first round pick.

Ok, so here’s my theory.  I badly wanted to wash my hands of Justin Upton.  He’s averaging just 2 points a game and I couldn’t drop him.  He’s one of those undroppable players, I guess.  So I figured if I could trade him it would make me a lot happier.  I made this very clear to The Preacher, who understood, which brought about the pleasant surprise of Andre Ethier.  I picked up a player who scores almost a point higher per game at the same position, and Justin Upton can either make me look stupid by getting hot or rot on The Preacher’s bench.

My next goal was to get a reliable closer.  I wanted Chapman, but The Preacher wouldn’t let me have him.  So he threw me Rodney, but he wanted Bumgarner, and wouldn’t take anyone else.  My original offer was Ian Kennedy, averaging 13.8.  No.  Then I offered CJ Wilson averaging 17.6.  No.  So Bumgarner, my second favorite draft pick, had to go.  (My first favorite draft pick is RA Dickey with the last pick…in both my leagues.)  Chapman proceeded to blow a save that night to make me feel better.

For Bumgarner I had to get another piece, and I still hadn’t received value on Cano.  I had told The Preacher that Adrian Gonzalez was probably the most attractive gamble to me.  It’s not like I need him, but at just 2.0 a game I really think he’ll wake up.  And for Gonzalez I had to give something up.  That’s how I solved my too many Yankees problem.  Seriously, my team looks like the AL All-Star teams of the early to mid 2000’s.  I hate Alex Rodriguez and figured he’ll get hurt anyways.

My only other goal, and it wasn’t really a goal, was to pick up another catcher that can play first base.  Something tells me AJ Pierzynski won’t keep up the 2.9 points a game he’s averaging.  Carlos Santana is a better hitter than he’s shown at 2.2 points per game.  Did I end up trading Cano for Santana? God, I hope not.  The way I see it, I got my 1.0 per game I lost in Cano out of Ethier for Upton.  I also got rid of the one guy I’ve wanted to drop all season in Upton and another injury-waiting-to-happen in A-Rod.  I picked up my closer, though it came at a cost.  If Rodney pitches twice every five days,  I can expect to lose about 4 points per week in losing Bumgarner, but that’s the price you pay to get what you want.  The Preacher and I agree…it’s a damn fair trade.

Again, all of this in an hour.

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About the Author

When Thompson isn't busy writing for Go Gonzo Journal, you may find him drunk at the movie theater with Professor Heinous or stirring up trouble in a bar with his attorney. Thompson also enjoys skiing, hiking, camping, and watching and betting on baseball and football.

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