Blu E-Cigarettes: Not the Biggest Piece of Shit to Happen to Cigarettes

When I first bought an e-cigarette it was from Rutter’s, a gas station native to Pennsylvania, and it was the worst thing I have ever intentionally inhaled.  It was the 21st Century brand, and it felt like I was inhaling Febreze and tasted like it too.  I threw the thing into a dumpster in the parking lot and never thought of buying an electronic cigarette again.  That was over a year ago, and I had been seeing advertisements for Blu e-cigs since then.  The first commercial I saw for it made me turn to my girlfriend and say, “The commercial is pretty, but the product probably sucks more than all the Village People combined”.

In that year I have smoked about 4800 cigarettes, which isn’t a good thing, but I could be smoking way more.  I had been getting my cigarettes at a local smoke shop that would roll you a carton for $25, but the government has realized that it was too beneficial for the common man to get cheap tobacco and has removed the machines like an acne ridden teen removing the puss from a zit on his forehead.  I was seriously considering switching to an e-cig just so I could smoke wherever I wanted and so I wouldn’t have to pay the government’s fascist “smoking tax.”

A few days ago I was out with a friend, we had just eaten at a local Chinese buffet where I was given a rusty fork to eat with.  After storming out of the restaurant, refusing to leave the bitch serving me a tip, we stopped at a local gas station to gas up.  I wandered inside to buy a drink and in the check-out saw the Blu starter kits.  I broke down and paid $70 for the kit; which included a charging pack, two batteries, a wall charger, a USB charger, and a variety pack of their flavors.

I unboxed it in the car and immediately puffed on the tobacco flavor and found it rather enjoyable.  I unscrewed it and tried the menthol, which was a slightly less shitty version of an actual menthol cigarette.  After the menthol I tried the cherry and after tasting it exclaimed, “FUCK CHERRY,” and threw the cartridge out the window.  The coffee flavor came next, and I found it to be delicious – the most enjoyable of all the flavors I was able to sample.

We went to Five Guys where I was able to puff inside while I enjoyed my burger without any complaints.  We then went to the movie theatre and bought tickets to see The Amazing Spider-Man (which I will review for Go Gonzo Journal soon).  I sat in the theatre waiting for the movie to start and some self-righteous bitch went to get an usher about “some freak smoking in the theater.”  When the usher arrived he informed the cunt that there was nothing he could do since it’s not illegal to smoke an e-cigarette in a building.  I sat through the movie puffing on the son-of-a-bitch, mostly to annoy the bitch who had still decided to sit right next to me.

I would highly recommend the Blu e-cigarette to anybody considering quitting smoking or wanting to smoke inside to piss off people who actually can’t do anything to stop you.  It comes out to be a lot cheaper than traditional cigarettes and the flavors aren’t too bad – except cherry.  Fuck cherry.