Letter to the Jerky Liquor Store Clerk Not Wearing a Mask
Dear Jerky Clerk:
It was a stressful day a few weeks ago, watching the aftermath of the Capitol siege on the news, seeing the country go down the drain. I needed a drink and stopped at your store for some scotch. You were standing in the aisles, staring obliviously at your phone with your mask dangling under your chin, your month and nose completely uncovered.
I looked for a minute, thinking about the highly contagious UK COVID variant found in Saratoga, just two hours east. I politely told you having your mask off was freaking me out. You snapped back saying you were “more than six feet away” and that you’d be “behind glass” at the register.
Really? Forget the customer’s always right and never mind the mask mandate we have in New York. You couldn’t just humor me and pull that damn thing over your beak while I was there? I was thirsty for a bottle of Chivas. I shouldn’t have to drink your respiratory droplets, too.
After I left I told my friend Mark the story and got all whipped up about it. Maybe I overreacted when I called you later, ranting about how I was going to tattoo your business on Yelp, Google, and Ripoff Report. You hung up on me when I asked if you were the owner, but I found you on your website. For anyone who thinks I’m just making this up look for yourself: the scruffy bastard’s not wearing a mask in this picture either.
Don’t worry. I didn’t leave a bad review. That’s not my style. I’ve only complained twice in my life. Once at Red Robin when the waitresses and cooks were fighting so violently in the kitchen it alarmed my dinner companion. And another, when a jackass music promoter stole a gig from our band, right while we were playing.
The worst part of the night was that it was too late to hit another liquor store after I left your place. You’ve lost me as a customer. I’ll buy a Coqui 40 at a ghetto bodega before I’ll ever come back. But if I’m in a pinch, and you see me at your store, let’s pretend this never happened. I’m willing to forget about it if you are.
Kind regards,
Henry
