I’ve been wanting to see Madonna in concert since I first saw Dick Tracy as a kid. I can’t believe that was rated PG. I just rewatched it and there was nothing PG about her performance or wardrobe. I was a pretty impressionable six- or seven-year-old the first time I saw it, and every time she was onscreen, she jumped right off it.

That’s why I bought tickets during a presale opportunity. It’s why when she had to postpone the concert due to a bacterial infection, I didn’t ask for a refund and repurchase on the secondary market, which could have saved me $100 or so. It’s why I showed up on time to wait 100 minutes for Madonna to take the stage. And despite all that, 40 minutes into the two-hour performance, before Madonna had made a single costume change, I texted my sister “best concert ever.” And it only got better from there.

 

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In a bar prior to the show, they were playing nothing but Madonna. I overhead the man next to me say that she doesn’t look so good. I wanted to say, “If only you could look and sound that good at 65, it would make up for how much less you’ve done for people than Madonna.” I had to leave to avoid starting some shit.

When I got to the venue, I immediately realized I had forgotten my clothing donation to Twin Cities Pride so people can have access to gender affirming clothing. I want to be more like Madonna, so I’m taking my donation to 1618 Harmon Place in Minneapolis today, and so can you.

This generosity is brought to you by guilt. I grew up in a place full of intolerant people, and it took me leaving that place to learn about the struggles of the LGBTQ+ community. It took me moving to a metropolitan area just to meet these people. It took having a male friend in college who’s now a woman. It took a trip to Miami to not only appreciate drag performers but make me plan my own drag performance. It took hearing the word “gay” used only derogatorily for years. It took using that word derogatorily as a kid and the resulting guilt of doing so. It takes diversity to end intolerance, and I can’t wait any longer for rural America to learn this lesson.

I started learning that lesson thanks to my favorite artist as a child: MC Hammer. The man was discovered dancing outside Oakland Coliseum. He’s a Horatio Alger who worked hard to escape an American Nightmare to live the American Dream only to return to an American Nightmare. But everything he did was for the kids. He didn’t curse in his music for the kids. He played himself in an animated series that taught kids the power of positivity and kindness. He was robbed by people he trusted and forgave them. He became a preacher. I even think people in hip-hop who called him soft back then felt threatened by his success and were probably impressed by his commitment to children and community.

I still listen to “Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em” religiously. I’ve heard it more than any other record, and it probably isn’t close. Also not close was my second-best concert behind Hammer since I saw him in Bismarck back in 1994 or so — my first concert ever. Call it bias if you want, but my father and I had never seen anyone dance and sweat for that long without a break and still haven’t. That production was overwhelming, but it was very Bismarck. There was nothing Bismarck about Madonna. Hooboy!

At one point during the concert, after a video collage celebrating Madonna’s contributions to music, film, the LGBTQ+ movement, and HIV/AIDS research, she took the stage after a costume change and recited the end of her acceptance speech delivered in 2016 after winning the Billboard Woman of the Year Award. “People say that I am so controversial, but I think the most controversial thing I’ve ever done is to stick around.” I cried.

I don’t usually buy merch at shows because it can often be found online at a discount. But I couldn’t leave Madonna in concert without those fishnet gloves she popularized. They’re so cool. I’m wearing them as I type this.

After the concert, I apparently danced to “Burning Up” enough to damn near close my 45-minute exercise ring by 3 AM. I haven’t done that since seeing Viagra Boys twice in three days.

Without further ado, here are the top five concerts I’ve seen, excluding music festivals featuring multiple artists (i.e. Riot Fest and Punk Rock Bowling).

Top 5 Concerts I’ve Seen

1. Madonna (Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul, MN, Feb. 13, 2024)
2. MC Hammer (Bismarck Civic Center, 1994)
3. Blink-182 (Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul, MN, May 4, 2023)
4. Queens of the Stone Age (Shrine Auditorium, Billings, MT, Dec. 2004)
5. Earth, Wind & Fire (Minnesota State Fair, Aug. 26, 2018)

There’s something Madonna has in common with one of the other shows on this list, which contributes to how much I enjoyed the show. Madonna was the most diverse crowd I’ve ever experienced behind Earth, Wind & Fire at the Minnesota State Fair. People of all races dancing together to “That’s the Way of the World” and “September” had me crying tears of joy. The edibles I had before the show might have contributed to how emotional that all made me, but it was about as happy as I’ve been at any concert.

The LGBTQ+ community showed up for Madonna, and it was lovely to see, as were the women dressed as Madonnas of different eras. I told one, who called herself Daisy, that she should simply dress like that indefinitely. I felt safe to be myself at this show and danced more than I have at any show. The people with whom you share an experience contribute to the impact of that experience. Madonna is an unparalleled experience in that regard — so much so that I think I’m going to start crossdressing.