Minnesota Wild fans: Tie your hockey sweater like you’re part of the team

Dear Minnesota Wild fans,

While I’ve seen the Wild play live thrice this season and have yet to see them score a goal live, I am more perturbed by your apparent disinterest in being part of the team. In the two home games I saw at Xcel Energy Center, I ran into one other fan who took the short time to tie his sweater’s drawstring as the Wild players do, and I didn’t even discover him until we were in the parking garage.

When I went to my first game at Xcel I figured everyone in the building would tie their sweaters’ drawstring properly — with three, straight lines visible and the rest tucked away in the pocket created specifically to hold the excess string. I was wildly disappointed to learn I and my close friends were apparently the only ones aware of the proper attire or willing to take the time to outfit ourselves like we’re part of the team.

It’s not just the Wild that have a sweater drawstring preference. Every team has it’s preference. The Wild way just looks best. The Anaheim Ducks and Los Angeles Kings tie their sweaters with two straight lines starting from the bottom and hide the extra string. The Tampa Bay Lightning choose to have the bottom holes laced straight across with an X made between the top two rows of holes and let the extra string hang out. The Dallas Stars use Tampa’s variation and hide the extra string. You’ll notice everyone on the team has the same uniform, and so should the fans in the stands.

Allow me to help you prepare for the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Take the drawstring entirely out of your Wild sweater. Run it through the bottom two holes as if you’re running a shoelace through the first two holes at the bottom of the shoe. Leave one side longer than the other because only one end will run through the rest of the holes.

Run the long end of the string straight up to the next hole and run it through from the inside out. Then run the long end of the string across and through the hole on the other side.

Bring the long end of the string up to the last row of holes from inside the sweater and thread it through and across once again.

Now comes the tough part. Tuck the long end of the string down through the string on the second row of holes to keep it along the edge of the interior pocket. 

Tie a knot with the short end of the string and tuck any visible string down into the interior pocket or along the sides of the pocket. There’s a delicate balance between the tightness of your drawstring and its visibility, so this might take a couple tries. You’ll want the bottom row tight enough so there’s no gap and the string is completely concealed.

This might not be exactly how the Wild players tie up their sweaters (or their equipment manager), but now you at least look like you’re part of the team. I suggest you get it done before the Wild start the playoffs.